Hurt

Would you understand how hurt I was on reading what you had posted? Of things which you think I had never considered before I did my decisions.

Of saying that I'm wasting money.
Of saying that I'm not capable of prioritising my duties, my roles.
Of not listening to my P.O.V.
Of thinking that you fully understand me, but I doubt you really do, it seems.

And the hurt is made stronger with the fact that I had always thought that you were a good friend, a good pal, and I had considered you close.

Yet, to hear that from you, directly, certainly stunned me.

No doubt your observations might be right, but what about your deductions from the observations?

And yes, I dun deserve to get the project. We all knew it from the start. I just wanted to try my luck and hopefully be in charge of this important event. But nah, I wasn't given, so my priorities shall shift. Still, I'll be concerned about the elected people and give them my support, but life is not just about it.

As much as I feel passionate about the things I'm doing, now I'm in a sudden blur.

Why can others do it and I can't? Sure, I respect and understand and truly appreciate your concern, but, did you ever give a thought or asked me why I had wanted to do them?

Was it a choice of mine to want to go for back-to-back events? No. But I had considered the physical and mental stress I would have, and I had talked to fellow ICs and friends regarding it.

I'm not out there to compete. I wanted to have fun.

I feel lost.

I feel looked down.

And above it all, I felt hurt by your comments.

Where's the support and trust to me? It does not mean that you think I can't do it, means I can't. I'll want to prove it to you, all the more. Yes, I've a strong-willed character, which might be bad (or good, whichever). But did you attempt to hear my side of the story? No. Not you. Sheesh.

Sigh, another lousy day from school. Life sucks.

Now I'm re-contemplating. Maybe it's time to just end it all.

Current Mood: Confused